CW: We discuss and make jokes about abortion during Mulch's News Garden.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [06:34]</h4>

If you were a magpie, who would you attack? A simple question. Who hasn't thought about that before? The crew discusses how their lives would differ if they were in control of a seasonally aggressive fowl.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [17:59]</h4>

DnD is hard work. It's very rewarding, but errybody needs to contribute. What I'm saying is, DO YOUR CHARACTER VOICE. The Brofessor offers up some good advice form DMs looking to get their gang more involved!

<h4>Lulu's Viewer Reviews: [27:03]</h4>

Whoooooopsie daisy, didn't see you there. Tripping can be fun! Not the drug kind, the falling kind. Well, okay, it's not fun if you're the one to fall... but causing a little chaos only hurt a few people! Mulch shares a great story of his father's fall from grace.

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [36:44]</h4>

This gets heavy. The gang discusses the new, draconian, unamerican abortion bill that recently passed in Alabama. Our hearts go out to all the women in Alabama, seriously. We're so sorry that your representation screwed up so bad, and hopefully this bill gets stricken down very soon.

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Real Promotion: Spooky Spouses

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Hoo boy, it's a hot one.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [03:23]</h4>

Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal. But, does the attitude of the deceased influence the taste of their meat? Find out more than you ever wanted to know! Also, no matter what anyone else says, the Brofessor is an absolute monster.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [12:04]</h4>

Our network boss is faced with a tough decision. Urinate in a strangers pants, or face certain doom. The gang of course chooses the safe way out, and then launches into a stream discussion that would be better left unmentioned.

<h4>Lulu's Viewer Reviews: [23:42]</h4>

Everyone's got one, and this week Mulch's gets the most attention. What's in a forehead? Apparently poetry. Let me give a limerick a go: There once was a doofus named Mulch, whose forehead resembled a gulch; when brought up in discussion, twas beat to concussion; and not much else rhymes with 'mulch'. Sue me.

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [29:49]</h4>

A rogue roomba. An organic soundtrack. Gripping story. Biting social commentary. Coming to a podcast near you.

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Real Promotion: Spooky Spouses

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Avengers is in the title but there are NO SPOILERS. This is the only time I'll ever be serious.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [03:31]</h4>

The gang has a hard choice between two terrible superpowers, and yet again birth an unforgettable superhero. Move over The Boot, here comes Pukepants the high-flying, high-rolling, high-BAC superman here to ruck up your day.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [15:12]</h4>

You'll quickly forget the original question about impressing new friends as the crew diverges into a rollercoaster of first praising, and then tearing down Jim Carrey, the Secret, and many hopes and dreams. What an absolute disaster this is.

<h4>Mush's Magnificent Something-Or-Other: [32:21]</h4>

Mush fills in for Lulu to review something you stick on your eyes if you want to garner some attention! My biggest question coming out of this was: when are we going to get goat-eye contact lenses??

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [38:44]</h4>

One man's crusade against our beloved heroes in a half-shell has put the sewage systems of London under severe stress. At least, that's the takeaway I'm choosing to have from this segment. Seriously, why else would somebody be doing this?

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Real Promotion: The Behavioral Observations Podcast

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We're late again! You can always count on us to disappoint, I suppose.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [03:56]</h4>

This question from Ty (of the podcast Side Character Quest) Proves that if these chuckleheads could teach a college course, ANYONE could. Fishstick is just a little bit pretentious, isn't he?

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [25:06]</h4>

How do you seduce an older person? If you ever wanted to know...we don't want to know why. You can learn some impressive tips in this episode however! Buying stock in Werther's is never a bad idea.

<h4>Lulu's Koo-Koo Guru Hullaballoo: [37:49]</h4>

Thwart Big Tennis and join forces with the fruit brigade as the crew discusses the merits of rubbing citrus on yourself. Lulu creates a new business opportunity this week.

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [45:51]</h4>

What if you owned enough smut to be worth the same as a Toyota Prius? THEN, what if your parents destroyed it? Find out here, whether you want to or not.

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Real Promotion: Insanely Haunted

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WOOF! Sorry we're so late! We'll be back on track from now on, we promise. There's been some new construction at Pheenix Studios that has taken a toll on timing.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [05:58]</h4>

Living with a roommate is hard, even if they're a fictional character. The gang discusses which made-up roommate they think would suit them best, and the Brofessor gets it in one.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [12:56]</h4>

The Earth is a Mobius strip. We all know that. Fishstick tries to get Mulch to understand the significance of the Earth's shape. Mulch does not understand.

<h4>Lulu's Viewer Reviews: [21:20]</h4>

Lulu reviews revues, which is like a better version of what this show tries to be. Needless to say, it goes off the rails as always.

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [24:47]</h4>

One gun. One bulletproof vest. Two men. Many drinks. Arkansas. Nothing to do. Mix in a large bowl and let simmer. Then you get this.

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Real Promotion: Morgan Needs A Podcast

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Corndogs are cool, Biden's a creep, clocks' hands get tired, hide bodies in trees... Yeah, that was pretty bad; sue me.

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [03:36]</h4>

Tasked with making corndogs cooler, the crew goes whole hog and restructures social security programs. They also create what is probably the most ambitious and world-changing culinary concotion ever.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [12:31]</h4>

Why did nobody ever think of how to hide a body like this? Probably because it's really dumb. The Brofessor becomes (potentially) implicit in a murder, while the gang ponders how to best dispose of the evidence.

<h4>Lulu's Viewer Reviews: [18:47]</h4>

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. You see them all day, every day. You probably don't understand what they go through. Lulu is here to see that change, and help you quit your second-counting habits! {insert daylight savings joke here when you think of one}

<h4>Mulch's News Garden: [24:11]</h4>

Ahh Joe Biden. You WERE "America's Uncle" and now you're America's CREEPY uncle. Why you gotta be so creepy dude? Stop it. Just stop touching people. It's not hard. Like, seriously it's not difficult at all. Come on, dude.

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Real Promotion: Spooky Spouses

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Where is Mulch? Nobody knows. Lynt the intern is here instead! She's hilarious, and also knows what makes a coffee great. It's cocaine.

FEATURED GUEST: Jon Stephens and the Cold Souls - Badlands EP Check out their music, it is absolutely top-notch and quickly becoming at least Fishstick's most listened to album! Also, you can download it for free from the link above!

<h4>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics: [03:28]</h4>

Time travel is talked about often. Usually by folks smarter than this. Listen to what trivial garbage the gang would love to see the most out of all of history. They would have ruined the bible. And a lot of other things.

<h4>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser: [15:45]</h4>

This is not what they asked you to do. Nobody asked for this. This is not our fault. Square bologna existed long before today, and that's a cryin' shame. Also this dude got vandalized in the best way possible.

<h4>Lulu's Viewer Reviews: [28:31]</h4>

Just stop. Stop it. We see you there, thinking about making a Christmas album. Don't. Nobody wants it, nobody needs it. We're done here. Unless you're Michael Buble. Also, we're SO ashamed of Straight No Chaser now. I mean, come on. Who hurt you?

<h4>Lynt's News Stint: [39:07]</h4>

Lynt tackles groundbreaking scientific speculation with all the tact and delicacy of a shart in church. We can all agree that Earth is the worst planet, but are we really an intergalactic punishment for badly behaved aliens? Also probably yes.

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Real Promotion: We Need To Talk

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A sneak peak of our Secret Segment and what you can expect as a patron!

This is an example of what you'll get each week when you become a $2 patron at Patreon.com/TheScavengersNetwork!!

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I don't think Fishstick saw this one coming. Not even a little bit.

<h5>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics:</h5>

To meat, or not to meat. That is the question. The answer might suprise you. I say might because it probably won't. No animals were harmed in the making of this episode, except Fishstick.

<h5>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser:</h5>

Life is difficult when you sound like you just don't care. Flex those muscles, or get some mechanical help. The Brofessor assists a poor man who just can't express the joy he finds in life.

<h5>Lulu's Koo-Koo Guru Hullabaloo:</h5>

Lulu recounts her time in Jamaica, and shares with the crew a new technique she learned from an isolated cave people. Fishstick gets turned over and roasted again. Gotta cook 'im evenly after all.

<h5>Mulch's News Garden:</h5>

Hipsters might not all look the same, but this dude just made that a harder case. A tale of mistaken identity in the stupidest way. The gang also embarks on a discussion of hipster philosophy and what truly constitutes hipsterdom.

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Real Promotion: Insanely Haunted

Max and Cassie do a MUCH better job of making fun of the Ghost Adventures crew and all their problematic behavior. Check their show out, it's HILARIOUS.

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Be warned, there's a lot of potty humor this week. Like, more than normal. Just a heads up.

<h5>Fishstick's Top Pick Topics:</h5>

In a thermonuclear bomb, there's a small detonation charge that is used to begin the chain reaction that causes the brunt of the damage. This segment was the chain reaction for the rest of this week's disaster. The crew discusses fellatio.

<h5>The Brofessor's Life De-Stresser:</h5>

Pillow talk is hard. We get it. Nothing kills the mood like a poorly named member, and we aim to fix that going forward. Tune in for what NOT to call it, as well as a brilliant revelation that will shape the future of bedtime banter until the end of time.

<h5>Lulu's Viewer Reviews:</h5>

This one technically ISN'T dirty. At least, not the same kind of dirty that plagues the rest of this week's episode. Lulu just wants to help you clean up your mouth, whilst simultaneously cleaning up the environment. Do so at your own risk.

<h5>Mulch's News Garden:</h5>

Picture this: you're stranded in the woods. Surrounded by snow. It's just you, your trusty dog, two packets of Taco Bell "Fire Sauce" and the great outdoors. You have to survive for five days. What do you do? Mulch breaks down how one man made this happen and lived to tell the tale.

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Real Promotion:Unqualified Networks Podcast

Tune in to Forrest James, Suprenant, Nate, and Carlo as they discuss everything from trending news to video games. They're hilarious and wild and we love their show. You will too!

<h4>We need your submissions! Send us stuff at [email protected], and leave voicemails at (304)566-WIDK.</h4>

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